Revier's Stuff of Dubious Value

Revi walked ahead and entered a huge, imposing shrine. The music was quite melancholic and haunting, as if it were mourning the passage of a grand period. Easily one of the best tracks in the game! Unfortunately I'm not looking up the track's name, in fear of spoilers, but feel free to link to it! Inside, there were ninjas, who obnoxiously jumped around and threw shuriken for lots of damage. No, I don't know how humans visited this shrine already. Maybe they're Julius' guards? Revi fought them with his spear, as they were too dangerous to be fought up close. The shrine's first boss was a dragon! Unfortunately, despite its stature, it wasn't a very remarkable opponent. It just sort of meandered around while hurling fireballs. The shrine had teleporters connecting its various sections. I was a little apprehensive of the map turning into a teleporter maze. Thankfully, the game knew better, and didn't make it overtly convoluted. This is, at once, the most c...

Welp, since the plot told us to nuke the desert, we're gonna nuke a damn desert. Nuke is quite underwhelming for an "ultimate" spell. It's faster than Thunder, and it definitely deals a lot of damage, but it lacks the homing of Fire or the direct projectile control of Ice, and also costs a hefty 3 MP. Further, there are enemies which resist or even negate it completely, much to my chagrin. It's supposed to be an immensely powerful ancient spell, why can things resist it?! The chocobo may not be able to enter villages or cities, but it can enter the various tiny shops dotted around the land! Gaze at my proud steed, random wolf shopkeeper! Revi eventually finds the one correct piece of crystal and blows it off, revealing a staircase. The staircase leads to some sort of buried fortification, perhaps a palace in its heyday? Either way, it looks quite impressive. The mirror enemies within throw clones of Revi at him to attack him! This is some serious stylin' on d...

The dungeon within is oddly aquatic, with almost every room within having water pools. It was also fairly uneventful, and Revi soon came up against the Elemental Fiend of Water, Kraken! Now with cool shades! ...Wait, if Kary is the Elemental Fiend of Ice, and Kraken the Elemental Fiend of Water, who's gonna take over Fire? Kraken was, somehow, the most interesting boss Revi had fought in ages. It stayed in position and made itself vulnerable to attack only from its front, and it periodically stabbed that position with its two, strangely arrow shaped tentacles. This made it an actual legitimate threat, especially since it was immune to Fire, the one homing offensive spell Revi had. But Kraken wasn't the end of the dungeon, oh no. It continued on a cave on this random, nondescript island that Revi couldn't land on. Why they chose to make the dungeon randomly split in half on an island is beyond me. The devs randomly remembered the sickle existed...and decided to use it as a ...

The directions to Wendel are pretty awful. You see, when Bowow said, "go north after going east from our dock.", he actually meant, "Go east, go north to reach the beach around Wendel, then keep hugging the coast eastward to find a dock". The chocobo can only enter and exit water through docks, for some reason. It also can't enter towns and cities, much to my chagrin. I wanted to show off my shiny new mount, damnit! No sooner than we enter Wendel, we get redirected. Once again, the directions leave out some vital information, this time the whole bit about needing to go westward after going south, then entering an inlet to find a dock. The chocobo can't enter the snowfields either. This bird is looking a lot more limited than it would seem. Also, I goofed up. Lorim isn't in the snowfields, it's south of them. Which is to say, it's down a winding path in the cliffs that lies south of the snowfields. Are you confused yet? Lorim doesn't offer a ...